erin judge writes this

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I'm Erin Judge. I'm a comedian and a writer. I live in Los Angeles. Let's hug.

August 26, 2007

Your Source for Lazy Feminist Bride Advice

Dear Worst Bride Ever,

I come from a Catholic family, but I'm definitely not down with the Church myself. I don't practice, and I certainly don't want to give their child abuse conspiracy any money to host my wedding. My fiance's family is not religious except for being really into nature, so we've decided to get married outside. Done deal.

Now, the problem is my grandmother. The woman has no memory loss or senility whatsoever, but she keeps pretending that we haven't made plans for our ceremony yet. Every two weeks, she says, "Now, have you decided on where to have the ceremony?" And I say, "Yeah, dude, we're getting hitched by a J.P. outside!" Except I usually don't call her dude. Anyway, then she cries, and then we go through the whole thing again. Freaking fortnightly. How do I handle this?

-Irritated Heretic

Dear I.H.,

Wow, that is so funny because literally the exact same thing keeps happening to me! In fact, I too occasionally call my grandmother "dude" whilst in the throes of annoyed self-repetition! In double fact, it's almost as if I myself were describing my very own situation in the letter you submitted!

Note to readers: Submit your letters!

Anyhoo, here's how I've been dealing with it:

1. Cheerfully repeat yourself, basking in the unique warmth of feeling totally guilt-free in a situation that would have made you racked with shame and paralyzed with guilt a mere ten years of therapy ago.

2. Emphasize how "comfortable" this scenario makes "everyone," implicitly blaming your fiance and in-laws. When Grandma snaps back with a, "But you're the bride. YOU should be comfortable," just repeat that it's what makes EVERYONE comfortable and hope she doesn't challenge you due to her own fear of even hearing you articulate your personal heathen theologies.

or (and this is really my favorite)

3. Foist her off on your mother.

Good luck!

Love and cocktails,

As for the rest of you, seriously, SUBMIT YOUR LETTERS!!

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