erin judge writes this

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I'm Erin Judge. I'm a comedian and a writer. I live in Los Angeles. Let's hug.

May 14, 2007

you are whatever shit you want

There are six kinds of couples, at least for the purposes of and Macy's new wedding registry venture...oh, pardon me, LIFESTYLE REGISTRY venture. There, you can take a 7-question quiz about what kinds of expensive vacations and expensive cocktails you like, and then it spits out not only who you are but, even more conveniently, which expensive shit is right for you! How fucking fabulous is that?!?!

After completing the gruelling questionnaire (for blogo-research purposes only), I discovered that my better half and I are "Happy Hipsters," which apparently means:

You prove that adulthood doesn't have to mean being too serious. Think last-minute road trips, one-pot meals that are somehow to die for, and date nights in. You love to entertain without a lot of pretense or labored preparation -- as long as there's enough food and drink, you trust the rest will fall into place. That relaxed vibe rubs off on your guests, who all feel comfortable in your nest. Registering for multipurpose, sure-to-be used pieces will make your life even cozier.

It then suggests we register for Kate Spade china and a Kitchen-Aid 5 qt. standing mixer. How does that reflect a "relaxed vibe," let alone "hipster"-ishness? Nowhere does it recommend instructing our loved ones to buy us black skinny jeans or sleeve tattoos or condos in Williamsburg. Sure, the Kate Spade china has a picture of a bug on it, but...hipster? Come on, Macy's, how do you connect those dots?

The five other species of couples that could possibly exist are as follows: Jet Setters, True Romantics, Independent Spirits, All-American Dreamers, and
Connoisseurs. Just for contrasting shits and giggles, I clicked on the "Independent Spirits" list, and found out that this second-person archetypi-couple has a "creative lifestyle [which] means you're always discovering the next best kept secret" and should use the registry to "make [your home] as fascinating and creative as you are." This boundless creativity is expertly matched with Mikasa dinnerware and Waterford bedding: "The Glengarrif Bedding collection helps you create a truly royal suite. Rich, regal shades of reds and golds, elegantly embroidered sheets and indulgently-detailed accessories create a luxurious look and opulent feel." Indie-licious!

My betrothed and I attempted to start a registry a couple of weeks ago. So far we've gotten as far as a couple of quality kitchen knives and a Playstation 3. Who's the independent spirit now?


1 comment:

snjoseph said...

You got a PS3? But you're not even good at video games! I'm fucking getting married.